


And Then Things Got Weirder than Usual

by littleberd



Category: X-Men Evolution
Genre: Denial is a friggin theme here, F/F, F/M, High School, Hormones, Kodd is my otp ship in this fandom so sue me, M/M, Mystique the grouchy yet more involved mother of the brotherhood house of mayhem, Soulmate-Identifying Timers, Todd isn't at his best, Trigger Warnings, X genes, aka and then things got weird, and themselves, by everyone else, eachother, fuzzy butt and slimeball are misunderstood, gawdz I made myself want to cry with how misleading the summary is, if the characters could break the fourth wall they would be breaking my neck, my summary is super misleading, oh look I just made puberty even more of a living hell than in real life, seriously Todd needs help, slow burn as everything is in my fics, what could possibly go wrong if we mixed these 4 things together?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-15 12:24:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5785246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleberd/pseuds/littleberd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"No way..."</p><p>The Professor blinks owlishly, "Kurt..."</p><p>Kurt shakes his head but his wrist doesn't seem to be complying with his wishes. It still reads Double O Double O.</p><p>"NEIN NEIN! KEINESWEGS, VERDAMMT NOCH MAL! IT-IT CAN'T BE- Von all den Menschen kann nicht ER derjenige sein! Ich weigere mich diese stickende Amphibie als meinen Seelengefährten anzusehen! Jeder außer ihm, Gott! Nein! Nein!" Kurt curls into the fetal position on the floor, tail wrapped firmly around his stomach squeezing as if comforting himself with a makeshift hug, hands covering his sobbing face.</p><p>When the Professor edges closer to the young mutant to try and calm the distraught teenager Kurt shoves his left arm out. The Professor's eyes widen as he gently pushes the German boy's sleeve up, revealing a zeroed out soul clock. </p><p>"Meine Uhr ... ist stehen geblieben. Gott, warum muss es er sein? " </p><p>"Oh dear...well this certainly wasn't something I expected."</p><p>" Kein Scheiß, wirklich? Fick mich."</p><p>"Now, now Kurt. No need for such language. I'm sure Mr. Tolanski is feeling just as foolish."</p><p>*******</p><p>There is a sudden shriek coming from the Brotherhood house.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Heartfelt freakout

**Author's Note:**

> Well... first Impressions are always catastrophic ... especially with soulmates afterall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I revised the beginning part of this chapter to fit Kurt more. Granted it's only like a sentence and a half changed but still thought you guys deserved to know.

Kurt sighs at the retreating mutant whom he's just made an enemy of, _I didn't mean to sc-air him off provezzor-_ But something stops him, his eyes go large as saucers as he tries to hear the sound he's heard all his life, but to no avail. Kurt shakily pulls up his left sleeve, _Bitte,bitte, bitte tick einfach leise._ Kurt gasps, "No way..."

The Professor blinks owlishly, "Kurt..."

Kurt shakes his head but his wrist doesn't seem to be complying with his wishes. It still reads Double O Double O.

"NEIN NEIN! KEINESWEGS, VERDAMMT NOCH MAL! IT-IT CAN'T BE- **Von all den Menschen kann nicht ER derjenige sein!** Ich weigere mich diese stickende Amphibie als meinen Seelengefährten anzusehen! Jeder außer _ihm_ , Gott! Nein! Nein!" Kurt curls into the fetal position on the floor, tail wrapped firmly around his stomach squeezing as if comforting himself with a makeshift hug, hands covering his sobbing face.

When the Professor edges closer to the young mutant to try and calm the distraught teenager Kurt shoves his left arm out. The Professor's eyes widen as he gently pushes the German boy's sleeve up, revealing a zeroed out soul clock.

"Meine Uhr ... ist stehen geblieben. Gott, warum muss es er sein? "

"Oh dear...well this certainly wasn't something I expected."

" Kein Scheiß, wirklich? Fick mich."

"Now, now Kurt. No need for such language. I'm sure Mr. Tolanski is feeling just as foolish."

*******

There is a sudden shriek coming from the Brotherhood house.

Todd slings everything on his messy dry rotted dresser to the floor in a fit of rage, heavy tears pouring down his face in streams, not even registering the thought of the salty liquid drying out his skin painfully. He grabs his hidden razorblade and starts hacking at his wrist. But no matter how much blood gushes out of his wrist, the dark inky zeroed out clock continues to glare at him with it's 4 blank empty eyes.

The one thing that Todd wanted his whole life, the only thing that's kept him going for years, what kept him from offing himself after millions of his biological mother's drunken fights and drugged step-fathers physical abuse, what kept Todd cutting light blood loss horizontal instead of lethal vertical when he got cornered everyday by jocks with hearts slimier than any slimeball he could spit at them, what kept him from just giving up from hunger on the streets in dead winter and opening his arms to embrace starvation or hypothermia, whoever had called dibs on him first. A normal person to love him, someone that would see past his bad appearance, his bad hygiene, his bad slang that would see his strong legs, his gift of drawing, his humor, his feelings that he held back with thorns and barbwire because if he didn't, then it would hurt _worse_ if they were ignored or made fun of.

But no, apparently whatever entity that controls the universe had a _real_ fucked up sense of humor for something that was supposed to be treating everybody equally. Because throwing curve balls from left field and knocking him right in the fucking balls all his life wasn't fucking degrading enough to pay for all the sins he committed in his past life, no... stabbing his heart with a chainsaw on high was just a thousand ton dragon added to the 5 elephants on his shoulders yelling at him about how worthless and pathetic and utterly fucked up he was.

"Why'd it hafta be one a those x-freaks!? The bitch with white hair that wanted to fry me like a bug zapper? The old geezer in a wheelchair? The fucking scary dude with the foot long razor blades coming out of his hands like nightmarish claws? And no way in hell was it that blue furry gecko demon dude that smelled worse than my slimeballs when he teleported me to that nightmare _training_ room. Which one was fucking it!? WHO WAS MY FUCKING RIP-OFF SOULMATE?!"

Mystique slake his door open, wrinkles her nose at the mess, the smell, Todd, or all of the above, "What. The hell... are you DOING!? I told you to come striaght to me when you were- are-are you CUTTING YOURSELF!?" Mystique yanks Todd's arm up for inspection and throw the razor out of the window. She rushes the smelly, bleeding out teenager to the bathroom, rinsing it with scalding water she wraps it up tight enough to be just a bit above painful with a bandage. Her growling intensifies when she finally notices the soulclock still visible even under all that blood.

"So _THIS_ had you cutting did they? So are you going to join their ranks now that you've found your pathetic other half among them?" Mystique sneers.

Todd glares unabashedly, "I met four freakazoids that either tried ta kill me, scared the livin' shit outta me, or were as old as dirt. Now you tell me? Would I really risk everythin' for a rip-off soulmate? I wanted someone normal, none a those freaks was normal yo. So stawp crampin' my style and leave me be. I just started cuttin' cuz I was fuckin' pissed. If I didn't cut myself I was gunna end up cuttin' someone else."

Todd sags on the counter, slouching more than usual, and tries not to sob, " So just leave me alone and don't pester me about ya precious info on them tanight and I'll tell ya everythin' in the mornin'. I just-I just need a night dawg."

Mystique gives him one more glare but gives in, " one night to mourn your dead dream of normalcy. I'll allow it, but you better have that information ready in the morning Toad... or you won't be here very long."

And with that, Mystique sashays her way out of the bathroom and into her bedroom, slaking the door hard enough to make the house shake.

Todd goes back to his room and continues to cry his heart out.

"If my dream is gone... what do ah got left?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bitte,bitte, bitte tick einfach leise. -please 3x still be ticking silently.  
> NEIN-no  
> KEINESWEGS, VERDAMMT NOCH MAL!-No way damn it!  
> Von all den Menschen kann nicht ER derjenige sein! - it can´t be him of all people!  
> Ich weigere mich diese stickende Amphibie als meinen Seelengefährten anzusehen! - I refuse to acknowledge that stinky amphibian as my soulmate!  
> Jeder außer ihm, Gott! - anyone but him, god! Meine Uhr... ist stehen geblieben. - my clock... it's stopped.  
> Gott, warum muss es er sein? - god, why did it have to be him?  
> Kein Scheiß, wirklich? No shit, really?  
> Fick mich -fuck me  
> this is an updated translation brought to you by the lovely Nadine! TTUTT~♥ THANK YOU! I HOPE U R ENJOYING THE COOKIES!


	2. Second Sucky First Impressions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -breaths out heavily- I just wrote the rest of this in under 20 minutes... that sucked. Okay AO3! You need to come up with a cancel publish button! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME AGAIN! Seriously though, I think I might have broken my fingers just a little bit.

Todd hopped to the school like the good little boy he wasn't. Granted he was late, having extended that one night to mourn to 5 o'clock in the morning because there was no reassuring ticka tocka ticka tick to lull him to sleep with dreams of perfect smiles of innocent happiness, soft smooth slimeless skin, silky midnight black hair, and bright yet dull brown-black eyes. Exhaustion from crying caused bigger reddish bruised bags to appear under his eyes and the salty tears left miserable irritated red streaks on his face. 

Mystique didn't have to comment about his worse-than-normal disheveled looks when he had gone downstairs to grab a cup of coffee to down in hopes of surviving through the school day without passing out from lack of sleep; her snort, sneer, and immediate cold shoulder were loud enough in their silent disapprovement to know that he looked like the slimey pile of shit he felt like. Going back upstairs and glimpsing his skinny, grimy frame in the bathroom mirror, when he went to go take a leak and card through his slightly greasy hair, was enough to make his pity party peak. "Ah look lik' ah'm cryin' blood yo. S'riously, this shit is fuckin' Bool-shit."

Todd had scrubbed his face with grimy grey water, hiding his actions with a layer of grunge. He chose to go to school today only because it was suffer slowly and painfully through a day of classes or get his ass chewed up by Satan herself downstairs about moping over something he had given up. Toad was sick of getting sucker punched by shit so the first choose it was.

"Ah just gotta show mah ugly mug in homeroom and then ditch anyway, s'not lik' she's gonna stalk me from class to fucking class." Todd mutters to the sidewalk under his hands and sneakers. He arrives to see the entire school yard is empty, a disguised Mystique, as Principal Darkholm, guards the front doors.

Todd makes a split second back-peddle and darts for the bleachers, "wuht tha fuck is she doin' here? I left that blue-skinned bitch at the house!"

Distracted by Mystique's sudden rude appearance, Todd doesn't notice the brime-stone red and blue plume of smoke appear with a normal looking teenager on the other side of the building. He _does_ hear a weird bang and the regretful, heavily german accented, exclamation "I shouldn't have eaten zat zecond gutbuster."

Mystique swoops in, nose in the air like she just scented fresh meat... or dead meat in the poor guy's case. He backs right into her. _THAT FOOL! SHE'S GONNA SKIN HIM ALIVE!!_

"Principal Darkholm!" The German accented kid squeaks, _Oh no, rule number one with Dragonlady foo, don't state the obvious!_

Mystique grabs the student's wrist and points at his wrist watch smugly, " hmm, watch isn't slow." She leans forward, a face-full of a future detention as well as permanent damnation leers at the tardy student, "Must just be _YOU_."

Wide frightened black eyes, quivering smooth creamy skin, jet black hair, and grimacing mouth. _Okay, ah've heard that voice somewhere before... gawd am ah paranoid, he's pretty hot though. Correction, if he were female, I'd fucking jump him... GAH STUPID THOUGHTS! PLEASE DON'T BECOME A TRANSVESTITE! Maybe ah should help this fool kid out?_

"This is your one and only warning, foreign exchange student or not, one more Tardy from _YOU_ Mister Wagner and I'm enrolling you in my _after school_ -"

"Hey! Light a fire under it kid! Your teacher sent me to look for ya." Scott f-ing Summers, knight in shining sun glasses clad armor, saves the hot male German damsel in distress from the evil, "Principal Darkholm." He quickly drags the almost victim inside.

"Oh well... would've been too much of a coward ta help anyway. Guess I'll just chillax under here till the guard Bitch decides there's better meat ta sink 'er teeth into inside the prison of puberty." Todd slumps to the ground, unzips his backpack, and pulls out his ratty blanket, "Maybe ah wasn't a goody-goody boyscout but ah know when ta bring out the snooze rag. School taught me mah abc's, starting with how to catch some Z's"

***

Several hours later and an earful from Scott that makes him almost regret not getting snagged by the dreaded Principal, Kurt finds himself dragging Scott along and helping Mr. Logan fight a viscious mutant called Sabertooth. But after he get's away Logan growls at them and leaves in a huff.

Kurt feels uncomfortable in the knowledge he just scented and quickly bamf's a pissed Scott back to the Institute, "Dude, Don't ask Mr. Logan vat zat vas or you vill be scarred vor live. Trust me mein fruend. I Vish I didn't know vat zat vas. So just leave me be vor tonight."

Kurt makes a valient effort to get the scent that had been replacing the air around those two, sneezing violently because the hormones left a tickilish feeling in his nostrils, causing him to randomly bamf around the mansion, heading for the shower to get as much of the musk off of him. _Mein Gotta! Ve bazically interrupted zeir foreplay. Grosser! Tack! Eeeew! Zat vas ze most awkvard instance of my young life. *shiver*_

A scream breaks the blue mutants thoughts, whipping around he comes face to face with a new girl with a pretty face marred by fright and pointing her finger at him. He holds up his hand and sees his supposed mistake, he frantically fiddles with the holo-watch. He turns into five random people before the device barfs sparks and his true form is visible. Kurt slumps, "umm... Hallo... sehr erfreunt. My name is Kurt Wagner... please ztop screaming, I have zensitive ears, und the beginnings of a migraine. Ja, I am a fuzzy blue dude viz a tail, zis is an Institute for young mutants such az you und myzelf, no need for major freakoutz."

The girl just stands there and blinks adorably, _she looks like she iz on ze brink of fainting._ , Kurt grins deviously, a bit of malignant attitude left over from the occurence yesterday, and Bamf's to the bathroom, feeling a little dignified in the thump he hears outside the door. _I am not a freak! I vill not tolerate zat reaction in Mein own home! I am NOT in a good mood to deal Viz idiots today... not zo soon after ze incident last night._ Kurt hops into the shower and gets to scrubbing.

***

"Mr. Tolansky, this is Lance Alvers, now codenamed Avalanche. Mr. Alvers, this is Todd Tolansky, A.K.A. the Toad. Pick any room except the one straight down the hallway to your left, that is my room and no one is to go in it got it!?" Mystique had appeared with a rather handsome bad-boyish young man said these words and then vanished like the mists in a bog.

"Is she always that scary?" Lance asks, following Todd upstairs, avoiding the old worn carpeting and creaky steps.

Todd chuckles but then turns serious, "Trust me Lancy-boy, that was 'er in a good mood. Yah don' wanna see 'er when she's angry... last time she was she turned inta this freaky Alien, and not the friendly E.T.-phone-home kind neither... almost shit myself... thought she was gonna eat me with a side ah ketchup."

"Yeaaaah. I'll take your warning. So what's your power Toad-boy?" Lance asks, small talk filing the awkward silence, Todd halts at a door, kicks it open, and reels on him.

"Ya can call me Todd, or Toad, even Tolansky if ya wanna go Dragonlady's smartass route. But don't be calling me that foo. Get bullied enough by jocks at school, ah think the house ah live in should be as bully free as possible. As ya can see by the state of your door," Todd gestures to the door, or the lack of since it's lying broken on the other side of the room, "Ah have some pretty strong calves, one kick and ya got a promise of atleast 7 broken, bruised, and cracked bones. Kicked mah old man when I was 2 and broke his femur bone right down the middle of it symmetrical like." Todd jumps to the ceiling, "Wall stickin' ain't a problem neither." He shoots his tongue out, snagging a dragonfly that got into the house, "25 foot tongue should be a turn on to the ladies but it seems like they can't see past my lovely physique and see my potential." With a flourish Todd flips down, crouching low and aims a slimeball at Lance's shades, "And human spitballs are ah thing ah the past, yo."

Lance tosses his ruined glasses somewhere, but he's slightly grinning, a great white shark in front of a seal, " Now it's my turn for show and tell slimeball!" Lance's eyes roll to the back of his head and Todd has to give the rickety shed some credit, only a board or two falls in the attic from the earthquake that registered .6 on the Richter scale.

"Damn Alvers," Todd grumbles from his adhesive crouch on the floor, "If ya can make an Earthquake why do they call ya Avalanche?"

Lance snorts but grins good naturedly, "Because they've apparently been watching me since I caused an avalanche in Colorado when I was 5. Their sortov pedophilish aren't they?"

"Well, there's no way I'd sleep with the bosslady, she's scary as fuck and I'd be limp as a noodle, and Magneto *gag*. The guy's as old as wheels at the Institute wit' those x-geeks. But man, you must be bangin' the ladies all the time if ya can make those vibrations. Heheh, rock their world." Todd chuckles at his own lame joke, Lance snickers but soon their immature humor evaporates, the unmistakable missing sound is there.

Todd and Lance glance at each others wrists. Todd's is hidden by his standard black punk cuffs, but Lance's is visible to anyone. Todd holds up a webbed hand, "Dude chillax, mine was one ah those x-geeks Ah mentioned and ah don't know which one of those freaks it was."

Lance sighs, "For a minute there I thought something weird was goin on, mine stopped today at the school... and I fucked up any chance of being with her because of the delinquent that I am. Ugg. Does having your heart broken get easier?"

Todd lifts an eyebrow and points to his face, "See these bags? Ah found out about mah soul watch yesterday and ah didn' check it in the time span of the 4 new people that ah met. Yah may have screwed up yer chances but atleast yah know who yers is. Ah'm playin' geussin' games in mah head, cain't even sleep no more wit'out the tickin'. An' that's not even the worst part. Everyone ah those four hate mah guts... an' the only one that I think doesn't is wheels, an' he's gotta be 74 years old man! Gah! Cryin' doesn't help, jus' makes me feel like shit even more, salt dries out mah skin and irritates it more'n anythin'. S'why I only take one bath a month. Fuckin' shampoo and body wash companies can't make the stuff for shit. Either dries me out or it's got the consi'cy of lotion. An' let me tell ya, that is worse than the flu foo. So yeah ah win in the contest for worst life ever."

Lance opens his mouth, closes it, opens it, "ok. Yeah you win dude. But once a month? Seriously? That's gotta suck. Anyway, I think we're gonna get along great Toad."

They grin, shake hands, and a beautiful friendship is born.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hallo-hello  
> Ja-Yes  
> Bitte-please  
> Sehr erfreunt-nice to meet you


	3. Empty Stomachs

The next couple of days new members popped up on in the x-men and the Brotherhood. The X-men got Evan the porcipine, and the Brotherhood got 4 new players, Fred the Blob, Rogue the power leach, and Pietro the annoying speed demon with fashion sense. Todd hadn't really fought anyone, only glared and sneered at the x-geeks. And the good-looking German foreign exchange student was with them, which really didn't set well with the Toad. _The one dude that ah could possible find hot and e's with the x-geeks of all crowds. Whateva omnipotent bein' out there has a thing for makin' mah life miserable._

Todd walks away, not caring to join the Brotherhood's regular glaring session. _Ah might like that one foo but the x-geeks 'round 'im are a total put-off._ A beetle flies arrogantly in front of his face.

"Yum lunch." Todd hops after it, the beetle flees for its pitiful life. It ultimately tires itself out and gives up, landing with a thump right splat dab in the middle of a parking spot. Todd hovers menacingly, evil grin showing crooked teeth.

A car horn startles Todd and a tire squashes the beetle flat, "ah-awhhh~ mah lunch..." Todd sees the driver. _of course it's miss shape-shifter she-bitch._

Principal Darkholme gets out of the car, walks right up to Todd, and pokes him in the chest for emphasis, " _You_ are to stay away from this area _MR. Tolansky_. If I see _one_ drop of _slime_ on my new car it's detention for _life_ , are we _cleeear_."

Todd nods his head quickly, she didn't even wait for an answer, sashaying away and high heels ticking like a clock.

Todd glares at her retreating figure, "oh yes, we're very _cleeeaaaar_." Blowing a raspberry at her back for mocking emphasis.

Todd continues to mock her by posing and repeating what she said earlier in a high pitched girly voice, "There's gotta be a few big bugs 'round here. Maybe by the trees?" He hops to the vegetation with a purpose.

***

"Go to Duncan Matthew's party? I don't think so." Scott shoots down Jean's proposal.

"Hey, you gonna finish that moo juice?" Evan points to Scott's unopened milk carton. 

"Here, you can have mine." Jean slides hers to the thirsty youth, turning to Scott once more, "Come on, it might be fun."

"Matthews is a jerk." Scott states, pointing at Jean for emphasis.

"No he's not. I'd go." Kitty answers, looking at Jean with puppy eyes.

"No Freshman allowed." Scott deadpans.

"Oh Mathews is a jerk." Kitty huffs, crossing her arms and grumbles something further along the lines of "wouldn't want to go anyway."

"Half of the school will be there. S-suppose somebody gets to close to Kurt," Scott points at the holowatch, "that holoprojector won't stop anyone from feeling his fur."

_Really Scott? You'd think he would have a brighter more optimistic personality with eye's that shoot lasers._

"Hey! Chick dig ze fuzzy dude!" Kurt exclaims, shouldering up to Kitty, "Riiiiiiiight!?"

Kitty rolls her eyes, gets up, and huffs, "I'm like soooo outta here. Later."

Kurt nods, "oooh yeah." Kurt runs his hands through his hair majestically, showing off it's thickness, "she cän't rezist."

Scott rolls his eyes under his shades, "I'm trying to be serious here. Look. We go to Mathews party suppose Dukes or Maximoff tries to start something. We're not the only mutants in the School ya know."

Evan smirks, "yeah, just the cool ones." Kurt and Evan high-five centimeters in front of Scott's pouting face.

°I got this boys. Scott can't resist this.° Jean sends telepathically to the two boy hopefuls, "Hey come on Scott, what's wrong with a little socializing?" Jean leans forward, palm on cheek and cleavage more pronounced.

Scott resists the urge to look down, Kurt's hope weakens a bit when Scott resists the view like a good little mutant, it gets punched in the gut with what's said next, "auh. I'm sorry but I just don't think its a good idea."

Kurt stares at Scott. _I've been locked up most of mein life in an attic, interacting only viz Papa und Mama until a couple veeks ago. Und now zat I've finally got Mein chance to go to a party for the first time in mein life Scott is scared I von't bee careful. Does he not understand that I've had more experience hiding myzelf than Anne Frank? I've been burned too verdammt!_

Jean's eye twitch is miniscule, but Kurt catches it.

_I'm sorry, didn't mean to zink so loudly. He just makes me so ANGRY sometimes ja?_

" _Dude_ , it's just a party, " Kurt jumps up onto the table and dances, "Time to SHAKE THAT TAIL!"

Unknowingly Kurts tail is out and shaking too, "WOOOHOO! PARTY!PARTY! PARTY!PA-" Scott makes a split second decision and grabs Kurt's tail, bringing him down onto the bench and himself into hot water.

"Hey! WATCH THE TAIL!"

Kurt's golden glare is almost visible through the holoprojection.

"N-Now SEE! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT!"

"YOU **PULLED** MY **TAIL** MAN!"

"Grow up Kurt."

_I've grown up far more than you know Scott, This is my chance to actually have a childhood._

"Hey! Lighten up dude!"

"You're always golfing around!"

_Because I never could before!_

"And you're seriously cramping my style!"

"Listen-"

"No! YOU listen!" Kurt stands up and gets in Scott's face, "There's a _sound_ I want you to hear and it's *bang*"

A hoof of the sulfurous smoke chokes Scott and makes his eyes water, he waves his hand around, trying to disspell the smoke, "blew it... didn't I?"

Jean and Evan get up with their lunches, Jean looks at Scott with a frown, "Oh yeah."

Scott notices Kurt's untouched lunch, "Well don't I feel like a complete ass."


End file.
